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District Derp's Gift Guide

The items on our Gift Guide boil down to one simple idea: if we do not love it, we will never add it.  Every item we offer has been carefully tested in both our lab, on ourselves, and on our team of appraisers. Through careful experimentation and meticulous research we have established rigorous evaluation protocols to ensure that our cartridges, flower, and edibles meet our in-house standards. These standards and qualifying measures are integral to our work and mission and thus helps us with the ongoing development and procurement of specialized gifts.

When selecting any strain, the first step is to meet face to face with the grower. We want to know all of the details of their grow processes. What nutrients were used and with what nitrite levels?  Have pesticides of any kind been applied? If so, what type, variety, etc.? When were the plants harvested relative to when their flowering cycle began? Answers to questions like these give us insights into the quality, potency, and even pungency of the flower. If they can’t answer these questions or seem cagey, they do not make it on our list.

The criteria by which one evaluates the quality of a vaporizer cartridge is a bit different than that of flower. Rather than evaluating the quality of the extract itself, we focus more on the quality of the manufacturing facility and equipment as well as the mechanical components of the vaporizer cartridge itself.  The manufacturer presents us with the verified lab results for the flower that was used during the extractions and we take a tour of the manufacturing facility verifying it’s cleanliness as well as how well-maintained their CO2 extraction system is.  Finally, we inspect the components of the cartridge itself, ensuring that they use a quality heating element, such as a ceramic heating core, chamber, and mouthpiece. But, the most important test is the draw -- the consistent, controllable draw that is so coveted by the vaping community.  


If they clear those hurdles, we will collect samples of every strain the grower currently has available (the record is eleven) and begin the most rigorous phases of our evaluation process yet: TESTING.

The testing portion of our vetting process has both a human and technological aspect to it.  The chemical analysis begins with the strains and are tested via gaseous chromatography for potency as well as cannabinoid and terpene profile.  This is followed by a toxin screening, during which we test for pesticides and inspect the bud under the microscope for signs of insects, mold, etc.  Finally, we measure the moisture content of a sample of the buds to ensure that they were cured properly. Subsequently, we begin smoke testing. We take notes on the taste, the effects we feel, and the strain’s relative potency. The human portion of our testing process happens before we review the terpenoid profile to prevent any bias or influence our thinking about the strain; by going through this “blind” tasting ourselves we’re able to better answer our clients’ questions and provide them with guidance in selecting their flower.

These results are then uploaded to a database and a complete report is generated which is accessible to our clients through the QR code on each flower’s label.  

Lastly, the final steps to our comprehensive evaluation process is our test kitchen, where we relentlessly tweak and test our recipes until they reach our head baker’s standards. Our dedication to providing the best cannabis experience possible is what drives this work. It’s not enough for our edibles to just be potent and accurately dosed, they also have to be delicious. To strike that perfect balance between taste and strength, we take it one step at a time:

  1. Perfect the extraction
  2. Develop the most delicious product possible, sans cannabis extraction
  3. Integrate the extraction into whatever awesome thing we’ve created
  4. Test and measure for even, consistent dosage
  5. Continue testing and tweaking, until our maddeningly talented (and critical!) head baker deems them worthy of our clients.

Over time we’ve crafted the most effective extractions possible through extensive research into our equipment, medium (i.e. butter, coconut oil, etc.), temperatures, and ratio of cannabis to the medium. From there we decide what kind of edible we’re going to create and get to work on the delicious aspect; once we have a unanimous and enthusiastic YES from our appraisers, we move forward with integrating the extraction. More tweaking follows until the cannabis flavor is light, rather than overwhelming, leaving us with our delicious treat.

So there you have it! Our Gift Guide provides you with a complete listing of our available gifts as well as our own descriptions of each.  So what are you waiting for? Download it and check it out for yourselves!

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